That Group

Life. I don't know what to think of it sometimes. I'm on the top of the world at times, and at others, I can be in such a weird funk. Lately I've been in that funk. I'm not feeling sad or depressed. Just a little bland. It's like not everything is as it should be. Things could be better in some areas of my life. As in, I feel like I should work at making them better, because they have the ability to be something more.

I feel like I'm a little out of touch with the people that I used to be closest with. I don't think that they feel the same towards me, but maybe they hide it like I do. It is not a matter of me wanting to break away from them. I want to be close to these people. Maybe it is just because I don't see them as often as I used to, so maybe we are slowly growing apart. I think I'm changing. I don't want to. There are some aspects of who I am that I like more, but I used to be more at ease with who I was. I felt so comfortable. Its odd, because at college, I feel like I have way more fun than when I am at home. But sometimes I still rather be at home with 4 of my closest friends. I feel the most like me when I'm with them.

Do not think that my college friends are not good friends because they are amazing. I have learned so much from them and I have drawn incredibly close with them so fast. They are definitely some friendships that will last a lifetime.

I just realized something. Last semester felt better than this semester and I long for the close relationships with just a few friends at home. I think what it is for me, is that I really enjoy just having an really close bond with just a small group of people. Last semester, me and my roommates has this sweet group bond. We spent a bunch of time together doing nothing and a bunch of time doing totally random things together. At home, its generally just a few of us hanging out together. This semester, its a ton of us doing whatever together. Everyone in this changing group is definitely friends, but not super close friends. There is no close group this semester. Just really close friends. Something about having that close-knit group makes me feel at home. I miss it.