Junior Year

Crazy to think that I am over half way done with college. So crazy. Well anyway, my post is more about this year so far than about the unknown future.

I'm an RA! Im surprised that I am, but also not surprised at all. I've always wanted to be in this spot and over the last year, I realized that it was a strong possibility. Its still just really weird that it became a reality. Its definitely funny to be on this side of residence life. The guys on my floor look at me so differently than they would if it was just me. Thats a good and bad thing. Good because it allows me to connect with them quicker than if I were just another guy on the floor. Bad because I am not fully treated as one of them, and I'm sure, not trusted quite as much as I normally would be. I expected these things though. Its such a unique experience to be where I am now. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to make the most of it.

Fortunately, not much has changed with my friendships that were already established. With some of them, nothing has changed. With some others, the only thing that has changed is I am not told everything that I would normally be told. They, and I, knew it would be like this. I don't disagree with what they do, I just can't know because of my position as an RA. I will get to hear all about it next year. I'm so glad though that that is the only thing that is different. I'm not treated differently which is great. Seems like RAs in the past end up having at least some problems with their friendships. That has not been the case with me. I just need to make sure I balance my time well and don't disappear from any particular friend group. I like to exist.

So point is, I'm really enjoying this year. I love getting to know the guys on my floor. I love hanging out with my friends. I love God. And, believe it or not, I am liking (maybe loving) my classes. Oh man. I feel like I should say something profound, but nothing is coming to mind. There's a little look for you about how I'm feeling so far this year. I will try to update this a little more often by the way, but no guarantees. Oh, summer was awesome. So amazing. Maybe I'll post something about it some time later. Adios!

Finishing Out Finals

Ever since my last post, I have done a pretty good job of enjoying the time left this semester. I feel like I have made every free moment worth it so far. I have still had my fare share of work to get done, but that is expected since it is finals. So much fun tonight. Played ninja tag (very fun game involving a jungle jim and moves that could be mistaken for ninja moves) and ran around school quite suspiciously, for no reason other than to run suspiciously, which gave campus safety something to worry about for a while. They ended up locking down the building that we live in and taking down all of our names and numbers, which they apparently do to everyone who is out this late. Thing is, one of our friends (who was with us but got separated) walked right by us. "Hey what about that guy? You're not gonna stop him?" No response. It was a fun few minutes. Check out Jon Foster's Blog (link is in the sidebar) for a more detailed recap of the run in.

As it comes to school work, I have completed everything, but only at the last minute. Almost literally. I ended up pulling two all-nighters last week. One for a ten-pager and one to finish editing a short film (which you can see here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfdP1MK3OxM ). Today, I finished a 5 page paper one minute before class. For reals. I dont think this is all a good thing but figure its worth mentioning to show how badly I have been procrastinating. The good thing is that I'm pretty much done now. Basically only need to show up to class tomorrow night and I'm free! Summer! Sort of. Im taking a 3 week summer school class, starting Monday. Shouldn't be too bad though.

Well there's a short update of things that have been going on. Glad to be able to say I view it all as mostly good. Tomorrow and Friday should be even better, and then I will get to see my lovely girlfriend this weekend. Life is good.

Feelings About Next Year

I just finished a very busy stretch of days. I have averaged 5 hours of sleep for the last 4 nights and had very busy days, so I am quite relieved to know I get a little break before the work picks up again. Fortunately, I have gotten through it with a relatively good mood. I'm definitely looking forward to summer, but I need to make sure to enjoy these last few days here at school. The first few weeks of summer will probably be pretty boring now that I think of it, so I need to enjoy these few moments I have this year.

Next year will be probably be incredibly different since I will have responsibilities as an RA. Im nervous about it. I don't know that many of the guys on the floor, which means that they dont know me. I wonder what they think of me at this point. They obviously dont think that I am a terrible guy since they stayed on the floor knowing that I would be their RA. However, I've been getting more excited and less nervous lately. The current RA of the 3rd floor talked to me about some of the guys that will be on the floor next year and assured me that they're great guys. I've met a few of them in the last few days and they seem to be pretty cool as well. I think it's going to be good. It will probably help when I get back into my crazy outgoing mood. Lately I've been pretty introverted (which is probably a good and bad thing).

C.S. Lewis talked about time in The Screwtape Letters and talks about how the future is not the part of time that we should focus on. Preparing for the future is not something that shouldn't be done, but worrying about it is not what I should be doing. As one of my favorite movies says, I should "live in the Now!" After thinking threw my thoughts and writing all this out, I've decided that I am going to make sure to enjoy these next few days. Gotta live out the rest of this year!

That Group

Life. I don't know what to think of it sometimes. I'm on the top of the world at times, and at others, I can be in such a weird funk. Lately I've been in that funk. I'm not feeling sad or depressed. Just a little bland. It's like not everything is as it should be. Things could be better in some areas of my life. As in, I feel like I should work at making them better, because they have the ability to be something more.

I feel like I'm a little out of touch with the people that I used to be closest with. I don't think that they feel the same towards me, but maybe they hide it like I do. It is not a matter of me wanting to break away from them. I want to be close to these people. Maybe it is just because I don't see them as often as I used to, so maybe we are slowly growing apart. I think I'm changing. I don't want to. There are some aspects of who I am that I like more, but I used to be more at ease with who I was. I felt so comfortable. Its odd, because at college, I feel like I have way more fun than when I am at home. But sometimes I still rather be at home with 4 of my closest friends. I feel the most like me when I'm with them.

Do not think that my college friends are not good friends because they are amazing. I have learned so much from them and I have drawn incredibly close with them so fast. They are definitely some friendships that will last a lifetime.

I just realized something. Last semester felt better than this semester and I long for the close relationships with just a few friends at home. I think what it is for me, is that I really enjoy just having an really close bond with just a small group of people. Last semester, me and my roommates has this sweet group bond. We spent a bunch of time together doing nothing and a bunch of time doing totally random things together. At home, its generally just a few of us hanging out together. This semester, its a ton of us doing whatever together. Everyone in this changing group is definitely friends, but not super close friends. There is no close group this semester. Just really close friends. Something about having that close-knit group makes me feel at home. I miss it.